Facial Hair of the Year (early submissions, 2018 Zonies)
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I typed out a big long thing before but hit the wrong keystroke so all that shit's now gone!
Gist of it is as the only two-year running recipient of Zonie for Best Hair (2013-2014; still can't believe I lost out to J/\ke's H/\ir in the 2012 ceremonies), I feel it's only appropriate to open up the early ballots for Best Facial Hair 2018.
Come on Zoners, let's see what you got.
Submit pics for consideration right hair (miss you, PJ) !!
This is me at about three months in with no trim, really feeling the warm burly beard vibe to face-off with the New England frost:
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Me when I started:
Me when I started:
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Friends, let us take a stroll
Friends, let us take a stroll down memory lane.
This is our own St. Mark's contribution to the 2016 Movember movement. This cutting look earned our esteemed compatriot Zonie for Best Facial Hair, 2016 – and I'm sure I needn't remind anyone here that that was a very contentious run-up, given Fo6horn's controversial entry that resulted in a summary disqualification, and which we remember as the problematic "squirrel bear" incident.
Without further ado, a snapshot of yesteryear's Best Facial Hair:
Wow!
That's how ya charm 'em, folks.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: St. Mark
Thanks, Ateix.
Thanks, Ateix.
Of all my Zonies, I consider my 2016 Best Facial Hair Zonie to be easily in the top 30. That was a fun win.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Druba
(No subject)
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: _
My fiancée insists that I
My fiancée insists I stick to a very intense regimen of high quality music, Noodler. It's part of a five-year, multi-step health plan I drafted out some time ago that's resulted in a luscious head of hair and the fair, olive complexion.
Also, as long as I keep maintaining the regimen, this is actually part of a long-term life course which will allow me to spend the final few years of my existence binging on booze and hard drugs.
Sort of like the grandpa in Little Miss Sunshine.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Druba
I'm at that point where big
I'm at that point where big pharma is more than ready to take over lol
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: MarkD
These are different beards of
These are different beards of mine from yrs past.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: _
Not too shabby, Mark D
Not too shabby, Mark D
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: treat island
Mark, you look like you!
Mark, you look like you! Lovely.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: treat island
Jeez, if only I had an award
Jeez, if only I had an award-winning mustache...
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Druba
Nothing like a cash stache!
Nothing like a cash stache!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: I rang a silent bell
...
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alan R
While we don't condone such
While we don't condone such an early start to the next Zonie Season, we do have in our possession a collection of snapshots from the 2017 Zonies Awards banquet that seem appropriate to share, even though we have not gotten permission from the Zoners who are pictured.
We never actually got a chance to read their nametags after imbibing so much live-resin-infused absinthe, so we can only guess actual identities by matching the photo with a Zoner handle (or it may be so obvious, it couldn't be anyone other). So forget those other forged selfies - rest assured these are the real Zoners.
Please feel free to help us identify them is you so desire. But remember, no anonymous mailings to their bosses or significant others! Here we go:
Ateix busy Zoning?
St Mark with his favorite beverage?
Our dear friend Jazfish after trying one of those newfangled dab things?
The Noodler guy with the munchies?
Heybrochacho? (we think "brochacho" is Puerto Rican for "knit cap")
We have to pause for a few moments while we run down to the corner drugstore and get these other rolls of film developed.
In the mean time, lets thank our official Zoner sponsor "Dirty Hippie Beard Balm":
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Hitchhiker awaiting "true call"
Thread ruined
Thread ruined
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Sound and Vision
Alan getting his troll on.
Alan getting his troll on.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: jazfish
Lolol
Lolol
I just knew Ateix went through high jazz nurturing.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: bweir I like cheese
just been lazy lately
just been lazy lately
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: St. Mark
Some award winning facial
Some award winning facial hair in this thread.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: ________
thanks, gunner!
thanks, gunner!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: An organ grinder’s tune
just hacked mine from xmas
just hacked mine from xmas break.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alan R
Slacker / soaker (Knotesau)
Slacker / soaker (Knotesau) just submitted this pic of himself hard at work at his dayjob (one of the rare times he's not posting stupid pictures on the Internet):
but his official employee id tag which we found in the rest room looks shows him as: (the cutoff jhorts definitely gave him away) -
Personally I don't think he's old enough to grow enough facial hair to compete in this contest, but I will leave that to our esteemed Zonie Award Committee.
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>> Thread ruined / Alan
>> Thread ruined / Alan getting his troll on
Nahh, Alan doesnt play that.
Good look, Klowan.
Jaespheth, who-all said that it was a steady diet of jazz? I've been super into 80s punk & hardore. Something about the energy.
You ever heard of the band Skkkrewdriver?
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alan R
No time to troll -- that's
No time to troll -- that's just plain mean... not my M.O.... I was just a stand in M.C. for a wonderful weekend of commemoration. Say you're sorry... Ahh fuck, don't bother. I just happened to have an All Access Backstage Pass and my Brownie camera with me at the 2017 Zonies... if you don't want to see what your fellow Zoners look like, just close your eyes.
Here's one of our favorite pithy gal Zoners who for some reason always wants to be one of the lunch table tough guys (4 Winds, do you recognize her? )
(Or it could be the wife of that bacon-lovin Zoner guy from the old days. I miss him.)
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Jay
'
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^^^ Looking sharp, Siobud !!
^^^ Looking sharp, Siobud!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: jazfish
That was a compliment, atiex
That was a compliment, atiex
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: _
I'm being sincere, too Jaz;
I'm being sincere, too Jaz; in the words of one Ron "Pigpen" McKernan, I'm just making suggestions. The energy really of that stuff is definitely good for you.
The speedy tempo keeps the blood pumping.
(I thought "Jaespheth" was closer to the actual spelling, which is why I typed it as such).
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Jay
Thanks, Ateix. I clean up
Thanks, Ateix. I clean up for work.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: An organ grinder’s tune
couple of years back...
couple of years back...
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Lucky Day
Sio, is that a Residence Inn?
Sio, is that a Residence Inn?
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Jay
>>Sio, is that a Residence
>>Sio, is that a Residence Inn?
It very well could be.. I think it was a Courtyard though. I'm on the road a lot for work and bring my guitar on trips when I know I'll have some down time.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: _
This thread's bringing out
This thread's bringing out the classics (see: Turt's pic) and the classy (see: all yall others). Lets hear more from among our facial faithful. [heart emoji, heart emoji, heart emoji]
I like the Jklowan pic a bunch
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alan R
Here' s another bearded
Here' s another bearded contender Ateix....someone in the crowd said judging by looks, this was probably Disco Stu:
But I've met the man (a good person to know if you need an axle welded in a parking lot in the middle of a rainy night) and have a real photo of him with his real dog:
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: _
Off topic but there's no way
Off-topic but there's no way those godawful LotR prequels came up in nomination for anyfuckingthing. Could not even make it through the first one (the first one? really?), bloody awful.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Johnny D
This is all I got right now..
This is all I got right now...Creepy, no?
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Lucky Day
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alan R
Damn, I didn't know we could
Damn, I didn't know we could submit old photos of ourselves.....
Here's one of me taken many years ago camping in the park outside the Kaiser Auditorium when I was slinging my homemade hemp oil shampoo (before I realized we could leave the seeds out):
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: bweir I like cheese
>>I like the Jklowan pic a
>>I like the Jklowan pic a bunch<<
Thanks, I guess, just bored at work today
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Sound and Vision
Alan- are you buddies with
Alan- are you buddies with that Tofuhead guy?
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Mr Tofu-head is the Star Wars
Mr Tofu-head is the Star Wars dude, no? Alan is slinging some RIngs memes up there, Winds.
I mean, all things equally nerdy, you can make a strong argument that Lord of the Rings is ultimately superior.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Old Fart Message Board
Lol. Funny thread.
Lol. Funny thread.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Thredkilla
This thread has me cracking
This thread has me cracking up as well! ~ ~ ~ ~ TURDS OF MISERY ~ ~ ~ ~
I am dying!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Sound and Vision
>>Mr Tofu-head is the Star
>>Mr Tofu-head is the Star Wars dude, no?
aye
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Thredkilla
I say MarkD in pic 1 w
I say MarkD in pic 1 w dangling doobie is #1 with a solid Honorable Mention to siobud. That beard looks as dense as a brillo pad yo...
Hoover ~ which Turd Of Misery are you, the one on the right or left?
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Thumbkinetic
Jeez, Johnny, be careful.
Jeez, Johnny, be careful. You could end up @ Gitmo.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: ogkb
<<<>>>...Creepy, no?
<<<>>>...Creepy, no?
the amish are nice people, in my experience
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alan R
Mr Timpane has a fine sense
Mr Timpane certainly has a fine sense of humor and a nicely trimmed beard and we were going to submit his picture to the Zoner Facial Hair contest...
...but then we realized the 2018 Awards Committee spelled his name wrong on the entry card... it's Mr Tim Pane -- not Mr Timpani.. duh...
so we quickly searched the Internet to come up with an image for "Mr Tim Pane" and we were so impressed with his gregarious growth we quickly posted it:
...but then, after posting it we got a call from Englsh actor's Tom Payne's agent saying we are still waaaay off base... so again, fuck it... we give up on this one...
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Rob W
Checking out the moon last
Checking out the moon last night.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Hitchhiker awaiting "true call"
http://www.nytimes.com/2002
http://www.nytimes.com/2002/01/22/arts/hard-road-back-for-paula-poundsto...
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: _
Whoa that took a weird turn
Whoa that took a weird turn there, Slack.
Wtf, if you Ctrl+F "abuse" in that Times article, it only comes up three times... what the hey? This is from 15 years ago!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: skyjunk
Johhny D looks baked in that
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alan R
Luckily, we did get an chance
Luckily, we did get an chance to interrupt the Zone's gracious goateed movie director, Bluelight (Odysseus), on the set of his latest film:
tentatively titled, "Waiter...There's a hair in my acid!" featuring the original Furry Freak Brothers:
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: troubador
Looking good, bearded Zoners!
Looking good, bearded Zoners!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alan R
Another great Zoner, with
Another great Zoner, with another great beard, that we caught on our surveillance cameras, who was roaming around outside last year's Zonies:
We think this is "Fark" because, well..... it just looks like a guy named " Fark"
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alan R
We know Ross James lurks on
We know Ross James lurks on the Zone, so we will submit an entry in absentia for him, as he definitely owns the hybrid hillbilly- hobbit look.
But if he shows up and try to "sing" (if that's what talking over music is called nowadays), Security is instructed to drag him off stage by his hair.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Pipe Slingin'
Couple months ago, camping on a beach in South Washington State.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: jazfish
Come out of there.
Come out of there.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Bluelight
Good stuff Alan. I'm a fan of
Good stuff Alan. I'm a fan of your work. Especially up in here^ Pretty cool.
Nice shot Redneck. Like ebb tide.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alan R
Before this thread decays
Before this thread decays (and rightfully so), the Zonies Awards Committee, after long minutes of deliberation, has decided to publish several submissions we received from some stalwart Zoners who insisted upon being included in the Facial Hair contest, even though they have been banned for life from this very website.
Without further ado, we present....
From a hidden room underneath the concession stand at Red Rocks where he awaits the next String Cheese festival....Nick (Hikingman):
From the backwaters of Oklahoma's Dollar Store in the ladies' underwear aisle... Tulsa Chris:
From his cyber-command center in his mother's basement where he wages web war on all the undeserving jam band fans.... Kirley:
From the unwashed wilds of the redwood forests and TSA's West Coast holding cell ... the Orange One:
From the hobo camp next to the rail yard where he somehow gets Internet access on his government issued flip phone..... ZIppy:
All these gentlemen have noteworthy facial decorations, so please remember them when Zonie ballots are distributed at the end of the year.
Thank you
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alan R
Oh, one more thing.....
Oh, one more thing.....
In an effort to be oh-so politically correct and inclusive, and to maybe expose many Zoners to their first ever sight of a gal's gams, the next Zonie contest will be open to both male and female entrants:
The 2018 Hairy Leg Awards!!!
Here's a fine example of what we expect to see, submitted from one of the brave Zoneristas who still visit this site:
Her selfie was accompanied by this message: "I don't give a rats ass if you think it's gross or not -- you're so desperate you'll still sleep with me"
Keep those cards and letters coming kids!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: jazfish
Ha Ha! Great work.
Ha Ha! Great work.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Sound and Vision
Alan you look amazing at the
Alan, you look amazing at the podium!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Lucky Day
He looks like a young Paula
He looks like a young Paula Poundstone.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Sound and Vision
That's funny! Dead ringer.
That's funny! Dead ringer.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Garagedoorbob
Hollis with black ear rings
Hollis with black ear rings look. Sophisticated.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alan R
Why thank you Four Winds...
Why thank you Four Winds... it's actually mainly the lighting and makeup. But Paula is the exact look I was going for...
...as she "pounds stone" and I sculpt it (yes, it's a real occupation). Get it....Clever, huh?? Probably went right over your head...
Here's me at the last awards introducing Hoover for "Best Zoner Asscrack 2017". He's a good sport. We had fun at the Zonies.
The girls are clamoring for him so maybe we'll see more of Timmy in the year ahead if the censors don't mouth-froth at a tad of nudity.
I didn't actually see you at the last Zonies, but I'll be sure to peruse the old ballots and make sure you weren't up for anything, like:
"Zoner who most posts like she's on Twitter". It's OK to share more of your innermost thoughts....there's no character limit here.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Sound and Vision
you're funny, so totally
you're funny, so totally crafty!
bet the next stone you sculpt has no nads.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Johnny D
..
>>>>>Jeez, Johnny, be careful. You could end up @ Gitmo.
My colleague from Afghanistan proudly called me "Mujahideen"
He's a photo of 2018 facial hair: 16-day growth for both of us:
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Garagedoorbob
When did Popi get a dog?
When did Popi get a dog?
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Garagedoorbob
How long has Hedspace lived
How long has Hedspace lived in Afghanistan?
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: |-|/-\|_|_
I cain't barely grow me a
cain't barely grow me a beard, mmm hmm.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Garagedoorbob
Ant then there was Poz. The
Ant then there was Poz. The space between the 2 front teeth made that one obvious.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Howard
Me with a full beard.
Me with a full beard.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Druba
So much Awesomeness!
So much Awesomeness!