Grandmother Ayahuasca + Yopo

as usual, short term memory strikes again...lol. I forgot 2 important things:

1. I had to quit all cannabis smoking and edibles for 2 weeks. If you come in heavy, the receptors are somewhat, not completly, but somewhat blocked, so the xplerience may only last around an hour and it's quite boring from what i hear.  The first few nights i had restless sleep bc I usually eat gummies and smoke.  I will say my chest and throat feel better than they have in a long time, so I may lay low for a while.  And I had to go on what's called  a "low tyramine" diet for one week. Tyramine is an amino acid in many foods, so the diet is strict, but in elevated levels in your blood, if you ave borderline high blood pressure, the ayahuasca can spike blood pressure and that's never good. 

2. Icaros and Music........with Bufo, you instantly go blind, deaf and numb until you "come back in". When coming back in, the music selection is very powerful and imprintable, so ti's essential at that point that the music and lyrics, if any, are loving and positive. With aya, you can see, hear and feel, but because the medicine takes you to the deepest realms (of who knows where) any negativity in the music will easily guide you into your own personal hell.  Positive music, lyrics especially and the upbeat tone and tempo are essential to stay "in the Light" so to speak.

The Maestro's Icaros that he sings in between certain songs are meant to guide the participants in a positive direction through the realms you're navigating. Each  Icaro is different and the Maestro only sings what comes to him in the realms he is navigating for the particiapants.  His words are very, very powerful to the minds of those in their own journey. This mans Icaros saved the night on Sunday. He sang for a decent amount of time at the very beginning of the ceremony Sunday night and it made our journeys stunningly positive and beautiful.   A true magician and Master of Ceremony. Btw, and it's no coincidence,  Native American chants, rattles and songs are extremely powerful on the mind when in that state, and all music from early in the journey to close to the ceremony end reverberates like nothing I've ever experienced before. Notes bounce and vibrate endlessly in your visions. Music is exceptionally powerful and helpful when applied properly in these ceremonies. 

I just noticed from left to right is a decreasing amount of hair.....lol.  Thanks, judit and Mark for your interest and kindness.   As more thoughts come to mind, i'll post a bit more

The old dude, judit....lol.  I'm in white; the magician next to me in the Shipibo clothing is beyond amazing, and pretty much saved my life.

When I came back for Sunday night's ceremony , the first thing he told me was, "you scared the shit out of me last night, brother"  ...lol,  I told him i've died 14 times with Bufo and learned how to completely surrender to the flow of the experience. He quipped, You Bufo people! It's ok to hang out at the fire, just next time, please remember to breathe..  We had a very good laugh over that.  I was in a state of Nirvana that I've never experienced before when i arrived at that beautiful fire. This combination of earth medicines took me so far beyond anything i could've possibly imagined to exist. 

We each were given a Mapocho cigarette. We went outside, lit the cigarette and  slowly blew the smoke 3 times over each arm, 3 times over our torso, and 3 times into a hand, sweeping the smoke over or head.  This is Shipibo tradition to cleanse and protect the traveler. We go back inside, he opens the ceremony with a prayer and thanks to the Grandmother ( he is holding the bottle of ayahuasca while doing this) and blows his breath of Life into the bottle 3 times strongly. The aya spirit tells him how much to pour for each person, and you are handed your portion in a cup...around 30 ml.  It is at that point that you place your intentions into the cup by holding it at your 3rd eye area, or you can blow your breath of Life into it 3 times. Either way. Intentions are critical for a purposeful journey. 

Very bitter  and so concentrated that we needed to rinse the cup three times with water to get it all out. Then lie down. comfortable mat, pillow and a warm blanket, water, roll of toilet paper and a purge bucket by your side.  Aya gives a cold sensation for a good part of the journey. Completely dark room, with the exception of a single candle in the back of the room. It starts in slow. The stomach feels it quickly. LOADED with alkaloids and is exceptionally bitter. There's an urge to purge shortly after, but you need to keep it down for a bit before throwing up. None of us purged until the second cup came around 2 hrs into it. 

The energy of aya and yopo slowly coursed down my arms, starting at the shoulders, then to the elbows and then to each finger, down each leg, to the knees and then down to each toe. When that is complete, there is the most intense, fractalized, diamond faceted river ( The Amazon, we are told...by the medicine) that appears, flowing at an incredible, but visible pace. It's a bit unnerving at first, but that space is the point of first surrender, and it has to happen, if you try to fight it, your going into a hell space quickly and there's no way out...literally. So just relax, breathe and let go. This, like Bufo, is ALL about completely letting go of control ( the ego ) and letting the river take you to where it needs you to go. It's scary at first. You are losing complete control over any reality you knew of, and you're rapidly heading into the unknown. ( maybe 20 minutes, shortly after the administration of the Yopo snuff). 

There is an immediate feeling of antiquity in this space. A  pure sense that.It has existed forever and will always exist.  What happened after this, i  simply can't explain. So i won't. My feeling is that the flowing river takes us each back in time to our birth and then far, far back beyond that to our ancestors...and I mean ancestors, like from tens of thousands of years ago. It is 100% Spirit realm. I am a believer now. it was just too real and distinct. These aren't hallucinations. These spaces are real.  As real as the fingers on our hands.  To call these medicines psychedelic is a complete disservice. LSD is candy compared to this combination.  Also, we are in this for a full 4hrs and then another hour to slowly come back in to this realm. I still simply can't forget the details of Saturday night's ceremony,and I never will. It's permanently imprinted: my own darkness and the pain i caused throughout my life, my multiple deaths with my ancestors pain, the fire and the ring of white light, the COMPLETE feeling of Love and Acceptance patiently waiting for me from the entities that comprised that ring.  Breathing again. 

After he got me breathing again, the rest of the night was Love and Light from the Grandmother. I was so physically exhausted and was lying in a tidy pool of snot and tears and smiling. Tears of profound joy and through the understanding for the first time in my life that this realm is not at all the end, but just a stop gap. Our ancestors, to me, exist in other dimensions that are fully accessible through these medicines. The indigenous tribes of the Amazon have known this reality for... .....???????????    Sunday, though, i was rewarded for my efforts and pure healing intentions, recognized by Grandmother aya, that she allowed me access to my Spirit Guide for the first time. And I knew Instantly who he was when he appeared. Stunningly beautiful Native American who beamed with pride at me and spoke to me while dancing around me in circles.. UNREAL!!!! Never forget it.!!!!

At 22, i wanted to get tattoos on my back when I moved to Rockford in '87.  I have always been fascinated since very young with Native Americans, their beliefs and imagery and there was never a rhyme or reason why. And i mean fascinated. I would have dreams on and off through out that year and if I saw imagery that i liked, i would try to find that image in a book and then take that image to the tattoo artist (Goldies Tattoo on Broadway, not far from the Grand Hotel, if Frank3 is reading) and place it where i wanted it. Over the course of 18 months, i had a collage on half of my back, and it was not necessarily something i ever fully understood, but i liked it.  I get it now. 35 years later.   My mind is officially blown. Many, many dots have been connected through those ceremonies. 

I just signed up for 3 more ceremonies in March. My teacher's teacher from Pulcallpa Peru is visiting the US for the first time in his life; an 8th generation Shipibo Maestro who will be here for two weeks and will be running 10 ceremonies in 14 days. I am extremely blessed to be able to sit with and be served by him in the final 3 of those ceremonies, also with my teacher. I am thrilled at the prospect of just meeting this Light Being from Peru, much less being served aya by him. The opportunity of a lifetime.

I

LOL....2nd from left

this is my healer(left) with his teacher, Maestro Gaspar, in Pulcallpa Peru, 8th Generation Shipibo who will be running 10 ceremonies in 14 days here in March.

Lol.. judit.. Thank you so much....much Love.   I was beaming from the inside -out, we all were, like never before. Above is my new healthcare practitioner. Out-of-network, so to speak, but Exceptionally affordable, loving, caring and superbly trained in healing Humans. :))))  I'm not looking back. 

these are decently close to some of the imagery, but they were much more fractaled and continuously flowing...The Flowing River was the main theme throughout all three nights.

and this Lakota Souix elder is pretty close to my Spirit Guide, if he had a bright red Mohawk with black tips and copper arm and wrist bands...and much happier looking at the time...lol. Those beautiful, full, huge cheek bones

Ceremonies 4, 5 & 6  .......... March 8th, 9th, 10th 

 - all three were evening ceremonies, start around 7pm, end around 2:30am, and led by the gentlemen pictured above. Two guys from Ohio, one lady from Juarez, Mexico, an Iranian gentleman, Palestinian descent, from Los Angeles, myself ,and a total of five more men and women from various parts of Texas. Gaspar is an 8th generation Shipibo Conibo shaman.  He is 52 with coal black hair, and not one strand is gray.  He is clear, but soft voiced with a phenomenal sense of humor, relating several funny stories from his own ayahuasca ceremonies, especially ones that were a bit too "high dosed", even for him,  although he is completely serious when dispensing instructions for the ceremony. This is his first visit to the US.  He has lived in his Peruvian village his entire life. He was introduced to ayahuasca ceremonies by his parents and uncles at the age of 14.  He speaks no English.  A woman from Juarez, Mexico, who was in attendance, was the translator for all three ceremonies.  We were all instructed to diet for two weeks prior to the ceremony. No red meat, pork, salt, pepper, seasonings, no oils, no alcohol, no sex, no drugs, including weed, and absolutely no ssri's or antidepressants of any kind.  

-- March 8th --

We gather around 6pm, greet and get to know one another. One gentleman has cancer.  All of us are dealing with trauma, child abuse, sexual abuse, rape, one man survived being shot from ten feet away with a shotgun and survived. Stories of pain and survival. No curiosity seekers tonight.  Hugs and smiles. The ceremony starts around 7pm. Some of us are first timers, most are multiple timers. With the exception of our teacher, Mark, no one in attendance has ever sat with a Peruvian Shaman.

Gaspar prays for a full hour by himself before we start. This is for the protection of all attendees, for respect to the medicine, for all people on Earth, Mother Earth, Father Sun, the Four Directions, etc. ....an entire hour!!  He enters the room and, through a translator,  takes about 15 minutes to explain how he and Mark, our normal teacher, will lead the ceremonies, meaning that he has a specific theme and direction he intends for each night's ceremony. Tonight's ceremonial theme is to introduce ourselves to the spirit animals, and learn how to concentrate on our visions. However, if we get into a difficult spot, reach out by voice and they will come over to help.  They drink two to three times the amount we do to enter the realms we will be existing in, in order to guide us and manage the energies that will present themselves. He explains the 3 entities that will at sometime present themselves throughout the three nights, the Jaguar, he Anaconda and the Eagle. He instructs us that once the visions start, it is imperative to surrender, scan, concentrate and enter without fear. Each ceremony will be different, no two are ever the same. He wasn't kidding. 

The ayahuasca for all three nights was brewed by Gaspar in Peru, in the Amazonian jungle.  He brought 3 - one liter bottles. Each one for each night successively more concentrated ( more water boiled off). Pure ancient Magic.  Gaspar says a long prayer in Spanish into the aya bottle. When done, Mark pours the aya brew into each 2 oz plastic solo cup, the aya tells him how much each person gets. For most , the dark brown semi-viscous brew was filled to about 3/4 full per cup. In layman's terms, a shitload. We each look at one another and nervously giggle. We are instructed to wait until all the aya is dispensed, and to then pray over our aya mix, placing our intentions into the aya.

Upon instruction, we down the drink at the same time. Very bitter; wash it down with a bit of water.   All participants lie down on mats on the floor. We cover up with blankets with our head on a pillow.  Beside each of us is an individual vomit bucket. Some people are on their sides, some on their back. I was on my back in corpse position. Lights out. The room goes completely dark.  Complete silence.  Within ? minutes (maybe 20 , I'm guessing) a brilliant , rotating fractalled light appears off in the distance. It radiates like the sun and steadily grows larger, and slowly and steadily closes in. A strong sensation of weight (body load) starts at the feet, creeping up the legs, the abdomen, the arms, the chest, the neck and then enveloping the head, full body load.  Only one person purges..........the visions start. 

(Eyes closed the entire night). For me, brilliantly colored, fractalled Aztec imagery on green iridescent mountains swirl like water flowing down a wide open drain and disappear into the Earth, only to immediately swirl back up in the opposite direction and fully regrow into a completely different appearance, then drain, then reappear.....death - rebirth imagery, growing larger and swirling steadily faster and faster. Focus. The experienced travelers start focusing on our breath work as we know that leaving our bodies is coming up. The intensity of the medicine can't be stopped and it's clear what's coming..  Breath work  The deep exhales start at this point and are somewhat audible.. The imagery is almost overwhelming,  and the peak is well over three hours away.  Doesn't matter; already in a place of complete timelessness. No sense of direction or time. Lovely, to be honest. A bit intimidating, but fantastical beyond belief. 

Mark starts singing his Icaros, as his imagery is also starting. The Icaros are intended to guide us into  the realms of Light and to not let the Black energies come in.  I am out of body and completely lost in the fractal storm that is presenting itself. Nothing scary yet, just have no idea what to do other than surrender to the flow and observe. It is incredibly comforting to hear a human voice. His words stretch and reverberate all over the room.  In and out of my body;  visions start to slow to a more manageable pace. 

Within eons, the original imagery slowly fades and new imagery starts to appear. Mark has finished his Icaros, the room is in complete silence, with the exception of audible breath work. Mine included. 

Sometime after infinity, Gaspar starts singing his Icaros. These are Icaros handed down from 8 generations of Shipibo elders from within the Amazon rain forest. . His voice is higher pitched than Mark's voice, and at a slightly faster cadence. All Spanish words, but not Spanish language. I don't know how to describe it other than that. 

Slowly, a brilliant, raging fractalled diamond river appears and completely fills the background. Out of the river, the Anaconda slowly appears. The very first animal spirit i have ever seen. Head emerging and coalescing first. It doesn't induce any fear, as it slowly, slowly  grows and slithers out of the river. Green as the jungle leaves and beautifully iridescent.  We were told that if we see the Anaconda that it would face us and consume us. We were told to not fear it, to let it consume us, as it is really consuming any and all dark energies in order to remove them from us. But my Anaconda came up from my feet and consumed me. My eyes became its eyes, and i was asked, "Would you like to see the jungle as i see it?"  I responded with a very enthusiastic , Yes!  

We immediately glided from the jungle floor up an Ayahuasca vine, feeling the leaves on my skin, twirling around and up the vine many feet upwards. We glided the Amazon tree tops, looking in all directions at once as we moved from tree top to tree top. Without any notice, we lifted off the tree tops and glided through the sky, looking down at all of creation, all the beauty, pain and sorrow, all of the plant and animal life, all separate and distinct, yet spiritually, all as one. At some point. whatever was me at that point dissolved completely into infinity and Oneness with all of existence was experienced.  Much different than the Bufo experiences in which Oneness happens in seconds.  This was manageable and intensely peaceful and beautiful.   Almost the entire time, Gaspar is singing. 

I have to laugh at this point because my story ends here. What i thought took minutes was 5 hours. Gaspar sang for 4 hours, with one break of silence. As the aya wore off, I came back into this realm, and  the jungle visions slowly started to fade. Pure silence.  Minds blown to absolute maximum capacity. All of a sudden, Aya music starts from a speaker in the room, with notes bouncing in all directions and fading in and out of my body and blown mind.   This goes on for approx. another half hour to hour as we all slowly fade back in to ourselves. It is now 1:30am in linear time. The music goes off, it's still dark, silence for another 10 minutes, maybe, and soon we are asked if we are all ok to talk about our experiences. Everyone slowly responds with a soft voiced, "Yes".

We sit up, and one by one we are asked to relate our experiences to Gaspar. Anna translates, and Gaspar kindly describes what we each went through. Cut up watermelon and pineapple are passed around.  Story relating and explanations take around 90 minutes.  Stunned Silence from all as each relates their vision story.  Words don't come easily as we have just been transported and carried into and through magical realms that seem as real as the one we are typically stuck in. We are told before leaving that the medicine stays with us for at least 48 hrs, and when we ingest more within 24 hrs of an initial dose, the medicine will come on quicker and substantially stronger, even if it was the same strength as the night before.  More silence as we're trying to comprehend this. It is soon past 3 am. 

Warm embraces, laughter and tears as we prepare to leave the house and try to imagine that tomorrow night we will be served stronger medicine, resulting in visiting deeper realms.  It's almost incomprehensible that we can drive at this point, but we can. A bit tired and bleary as we head back to our hotel rooms, but not high.  Sleep was easy for most of us, just not long lasting as visions gently reappear in dreams. 

Invocation  -  Priya Deepika    >>(*the first song played as we were collectively coming back into ourselves. This bounced in and out of our bodies and minds. Imprinted heavily. Enjoy)  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0DwYTf3PCE

Thank you, judit, for helping to create and maintain a space to allow me to do so. Much appreciated.

Thanks, jaz. Being in the company of fellow travelers seeking healing on a truly deep, personal and spiritual level helps more than you can imagine. And, No, this isn't about getting high. For those who don't prepare properly, there can be serious, long lasting mental / emotional consequences.

These last three ceremonies were attended mostly by people seeking and prepared for very deep experiences. Three people who were scheduled for all three nights didn't come back after the first night due to the extreme intensity. When a Peruvian Shaman shows up to conduct a ceremony, the kid gloves come off.  Dying and being reborn over and over isn't exactly everyone's cup of tea. There is a certain level of mental and physical preparation that they respectfully ask of us. The preparation is for our own emotional and physical well being.  Those who disregard the requests will quickly regret that they did, usually within the first hour.  To put it in terms most of us can relate to, each of the three nights would be the equivalent of eating a 50 strip and condensing the experience down to 5 hrs. 

Not a party experience ......at all.  

-- March 9th --

I've started this review a few times and quit.  It's difficult to not be emotional. This night and the next night changed my mind and heart about what exists around us that is measurable by the scientific method. Permanently.  Gaspar has conducted thousands of ceremonies since being inducted at the age of 14 by his elders, and he is far more powerful and practiced than i could've ever imagined., more precisely, believed.  I now know that we are surrounded by energies of our loved ones that we are able to connect with under certain circumstances, and that we can channel those energies through us. Ancient energies as well. Ones that i will never understand, but can observe and dwell in. 

Same beautiful group Saturday night. We arrive around an hour early with genuine smiles, warm embraces and much discussion of the previous night's magic. The discussions soon lead to this evening's possibilities. 7pm. We take our previous night's mats and soon Gaspar appears. Anna again translates and Gaspar explains that his intent for tonight's ceremony is about forgiveness for everyone in our lives, especially ourselves, and consequently through that, we will be connecting with our inner child. I had an exceptionally abbreviated childhood, so hearing him say this definitely piqued my interest. I don't really understand, and am also a bit nervous as we were told we will be served stronger medicine tonight. Friday night's experience was as intense as I've ever experienced, and I can't imagine "going deeper", but I know I'm not alone.

The bottle in front of us is noticeably darker brown (more concentrated ) in color than the previous night's bottle. 

Again, Gaspar opens the ceremony by audibly praying over the ayahuasca bottle and, when finished, blows three deep breaths into it. Mark then serves each of a our serving, and we wait until everyone has their serving.  Upon instruction, we drink our servings in unison. So bitter!! Even Gaspar makes a face, which most of us chuckle and find comforting.  Lights out, lie back and cover up. Dark, Silence and Anticipation.  What we didn't know until the ceremony was over is that Mark and Gaspar would drink a double amount tonight to be with us. First, a large serving when we all drank, and then just before singing their Icaros, they would each drink a second full cup. Just Wow!!

The fractalled sun appears much as the night before, but it has appeared noticeably sooner and is brighter. Mark starts singing his Icaros. His singing is louder and smoother tonight, with what seems like one long continuous voice. My Sun slowly rotates, radiates much like the sun and slowly closes in until it fully encompasses my view.  Within ?, the most chaotic and varied slide show of ancient Mayan faces, animal outlines, triangles, geometric shapes, straight lines, circles, and squares, and dots on rock cliffs dominate my vision, constantly and rapidly moving left to right, growing upwards, then falling rapidly and disappearing into the Earth, then coming back out of the Earth with even more detail at a faster and faster pace, in more varied and bizarre patterns.. Before drinking our servings, we are told to concentrate on what is directly ahead of us, but i find there is nothing to focus on tonight. Only the intense, and rapidly becoming uncomfortably overwhelming, speed of light freak show that i have been thrown into, again with absolutely no concept of direction or time. The Icaros are the only anchor to reality. 

Mark has finished singing. Silence. Deep and audible breaths start as we are now all in our own vision worlds. The Silence allows us to fully escape and leave reality as there is no anchor left to hold onto. Silence. No audible breaths now. I am in a fully fractalled world of nonexistence in which i am rapidly dissolving, or maybe more accurately, completely losing any and all identity.  The Silence almost hurts. I am searching for an anchor and there isn't one.  I somehow remind myself,  Don't fight the medicine.

It is at this point Gaspar starts with his Icaros and they are noticeably louder and faster paced than the night before. He is directing much more energy  The intensity of what is going on has far surpassed the previous night's ceremony, and tonight's ceremony is still young.  Even with him singing, I am going further and further out, and there is no slowing it down. Gaspar does not sing nearly as long tonight. He has chosen to let silence dominate the ceremony, all with purpose. (He tells us this afterwards).  He has quit singing and soon? I hear an internal "Surrender and Flow" and I do. The fractal storm has hit its peak; I detach and become Light. It is at this point i find an extremely comforting large opening of white Light in the fractal storm, and i slowly move towards it. It draws closer and  larger and closer and larger until i have fully merged with it. There is extreme comfort,  beautiful silence and the utmost of peaceful solitude here. Zero intimidation or fear.

At some point in this Light realm, I "hear", "LET GO. LOVE IS THE FOUNDATION OF ALL EXISTENCE", but not in words. It was at this point, I came back, I remember sitting up, and the rest of the ceremony literally was punctuated with giggles, giggles, more giggles and laughter from myself and all participants. Not much silence. At points, the giggles were so infectious that Mark and Gaspar were audibly giggling themselves, which made us giggle even more. I have never felt such indescribably pure joy in my life. Each of us truly connected with our inner child, and it was the most emotionally beautiful experience of my life. We bounced our energy of love and joy off of one another the rest of the night. PURE JOY, PURE JOY, PURE JOY.!!  At some point, Mark played the peppy Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire in the middle of this beautiful aya music and we all laughed so hard!  I couldn't help running my fingers continuously through my blanket, everything felt new and ready to be discovered. Full Rebirth!  Simply remarkable.

When we all sat up in the morning hours, there was quite a bit of laughter during each of our descriptions. The joy was still pure and apparent. 2am. When finished, we hugged, let tears of joy out and said goodbye until tomorrow night. Gaspar had let us know before he retired to his bedroom that "tomorrow night's medicine would be strong enough to completely detach us from reality". We all laughed and looked at one another in amazement as to what he felt the two previous nights had been.  I have no explanation as to how he can guide these ceremonies so expertly, but he did, and he does.  It isn't the power of suggestion either. He almost states the ceremonial intent in passing, and only says it once. He spends much more time on explaining how to navigate the storm that will present itself, but especially emphasizing to not be afraid. 

Trevor Hall, Emory Hall  -  The Old Story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9x4GCpxroE

^It's absolutely mind boggling how universal much of the imagery is with dmt based journeys.