Sad Update On My Son's Muslim GF

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Her parents figured out she is involved with a white American and are none too pleased.

Dad and I had a long conversation the other day. My impression was that he's a father who loves his daughter as long as she lives by his rules.

That has now changed. The guy is a racist control freak. And a mother fucker.

He took away his daughter's car. She is not allowed to take a walk in her neighborhood without at least two escorts. He has decided she will no longer attend college and become an engineer. He will support her until he marries her off to a Muslim man. Her bedroom door has been removed. Any luxury items she had have been removed and he is saying he will sell them. Her walls are plastered with scripture from the Koran. She has undergone at least one "purifying" ceremony. She has been beaten daily.

Strangely, she still has her phone and is allowed to use it unfettered until 10 pm when she turns it over to him. Wi-fi is turned off then as well. This is how I know what she's being subjected to.

The girl told my son that in their culture her father can "sacrifice" her for dishonoring her family. In other words, she is in fear for her life.

All for dating my son.

She got a scholarship to college and plans on using it. She feels she has no choice but to leave her family but is torn because she has a young sister with whom she is close.

You raise a kid American and freak when she acts like one.

In my opinion, we don't need people like this in our country. For any reason.

If harm comes to this girl I will make it my mission to see justice served.

Asshole.

Now that is some draconian bullshit and likely grounds for a DHR case and I hate that kind of shit based on mythology  

One of my aunts was not allowed to date anyone or wear a bathing suit in high school.  Not as intense argueably as your experience but the same dynamic at work.   She never married because she refused to ever be under the dominion of a man after her experience with her father.  

My sister was put in hard core fundamentalist schools after my parents decided I was corrupted by public school in the sixties - ridiculous as the vast majority of my teachers were right wing.  She has chilled in her middle age and has a live and let live attitude about most things but she thinks the earth is 6,000 years old and rejects science nearly outright as she was taught creationism in her "science" classes and can't bring herself to challenge Old Testament myths.

How about white supremacists raising young children to be racists!  

Plenty of sick ass bullshit in this world and in this country.

This young lady has a chance at least to get away form her father here after she reaches adult age  She will be faced with the choice of rejecting her original culture and forge a new path  as I did and millions do.

I'd consult a lawyer before going vigilante. 

She is 18 but still a senior in high school.

I am staying out of things because I don't want to worsen her situation. She has an escape plan but as she says, "it must be perfect'" as there will be no going back.

My son is understandably bummed because this girl is his best friend. But he did acknowledge that I warned him a year ago that something like this could happen. I told him last night he needs to prepare himself for the time when all contact is cut off as I see that happening any day.

No plans to go vigilante. 

Sorry I misinterpreted your justice served comment  

I guess that was my vibe...and yeah, very tough for your son too.

 

the dad is a "bad dude".

 

that sucks. hope she gets her freedom.

This is such a sad story. I'm sorry for all involved.

It's a religion of peace

She has been beaten daily?

I hate calling the cops on anybody but if she is knowingly being abused shouldn't 911 be an option? 

Your son must be heartbroken.  Sorry. 

If she is being beaten daily, it's time to get her high school's guidance counselers and the Department of Children's Services involved.  The father needs to be informed of the legal ramifications of his continued abuse, including the possibility of his being deported. 

In the United States until very recently history-wise a woman was legally the property of her father until marriage then the deed was transferred to the husband.

Not allowed to own land, a business, get credit, even get a divorce.

Perspective. 

I still don't believe she exists until we see some photos.

Take your anti Muslim rant to 4 Chan

Shots fired 

This real-life anecdote of strife should serve as a wake-up call to those promoting Fundamentalist invasion as "cultural acceptance".

Sorry to hear that your Son's innocent love affair led to Fundamentalist brutality.

A shame that evil papa is ruining Daughter's life.  Rather disrespectful to the host nation's policy of "Freedom" of thought, speech, behavior and choices.

No pictures, Timmy. Not for me to post.

I don't care if you believe me or not.

I'm not anti-Muslim, I'm anti-asshole. Which may explain why I've never had any use for you.

  Stu, will you help me rid us of the Fundies who practice the other flavors of myth?  The "domestics" if you will.

Like most Christians aren't that hard most who practice Islam are not either.

I do have my eye on that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar guy however.

You have never divulged what religion H.I.M. follows.  Should I be concerned that he is spreading some foul creed among the other sled doggies?

>> Sorry to hear that your Son's innocent love affair led to Fundamentalist brutality.

She describes them as semi-conservative. I'd hate to see ultra-conservative. From what I understand there are several thousand of them in the Atlanta area alone.

Theres two sides to every story.  Maybe he doesn't want his daughter dating your son for another reason than he's a white American.

Apology for my comment, Hoover. I have no issues with you. I'm more than a little bothered by this.

I think you're right about it being more than just my kid. The romance is being viewed as a rejection of tradition and her family's values. And, it's embarrassing to him. Her involvement with Jake is a symptom of her overall rejection of their lifestyle religiously speaking.

I'm pretty sure a quality guy like Rick doesn't give a shit what you believe Tim, and to demand pictures? Dude, really? 

I have no reason to doubt it at all. Rick is a stand up guy.

He may be from Neils Young's least favorite state, but with his standing in academia and what I do know about him, I don't think there's a chance he's a ranting racist.

IMHO, I think he's just pissed about what passes for cultural norms and how they are allowed to persist in the land of the free. And how that affects those he loves.  

(Ooops, Rick posted while I was composing this.)

"...You have never divulged what religion H.I.M. follows.  Should I be concerned that he is spreading some foul creed among the other sled doggies?.."

The Boy is non-denominational and Pantheistic.  He is accepting of all other Dog breeds and all stripes of Hu-Person.  Just as long as they are polite and well-behaved, every creature is his Friend.  He is especially gentle around Children and Ladies.  

However, he seems to have murderous intent toward Rodents and Groundhogs. He would Kill the Wabbit, if he could catch the Wabbit.  That's just a Dog behavior.

>>>>>I'm pretty sure a quality guy like Rick doesn't give a shit what you believe Tim, and to demand pictures? 

 

lol, yeah.  I DEMAND SOME PICTURES.

Slick, a stand up guy like me doesn't really give a shit what you believe Rick thinks.

I'm a big fan of the First Amendment and think that the girl's parents have the right to raise their daughter as they see fit, but physical violence crosses the line into unlawfulness.

If she's being beaten every day it is your duty to report the abuse to the police. I'm having a hard time believing this story myself, after you said " I don't want people ike this in my country" my bullshit alarm went off - it sounds rather contrived and resembles none of the Muslim families I've known in the states. 

It is also her school's guidance counseler's duty to report it if they know of it.

 

Rick's "duty" is more like a moral obligation, whereas school officials can lose their jobs and face charges if they don't act.

Good luck to your kid if this story is true, though. 

I sort of agree that is someone is being beaten daily, maybe someone at the school should be tipped off to this.  Of course it depends on what being "beaten" means, but even reasonable corporal punishment becomes unreasonable if used on a daily basis. 

 

 

Sounds like mental abuse coupled with physical beatings.

If she is 18 and has a scholarship, that's her decision to attend that University and pursue her chosen course of studies.  Fuck the car and her lousy oppressive family. Of course there is the financial reality of living in her parents' home and having to abide by their rules.

Sounds like a smart kid. She should figure out a better alternative and get away from that repression.

All of this went down early this week.

My son just told me they chilled on the violence yesterday. 

They don't understand why she wants college and independence. They told her they have plenty of money to support her and earning her own income is not a necessity.

They are US citizens, own 6 restaurants in the Atlanta area and one here.

She spoke to a school counselor Thursday and filled him in a little.

Even though he is a citizen I still say people like him shouldn't be here.

>>>I still don't believe she exists until we see some photos.

>>>Take your anti Muslim rant to 4 Chan 

Your quotes, Tim, not mine.

> I still say people like him shouldn't be here

What about Christian parents who try to reprogram their gay children? Should they be here?

>>>>>>Even though he is a citizen I still say people like him shouldn't be here.

 

Like Amish people?  Or just Muslims?  Where should they be?

I guess maybe if you could clarify that statement I might not think this is xenophobic ant Muslim rant.

 

 

>>>>Your quotes, Tim, not mine.

 

Yeah, I sure sounded pretty demanding.

It was nice of you to stick up for Rick though.

The Amish have some sort of 'Walkabout' deal with their teenagers where they can go and freak out with decadent non-Amish teens for a spell, and see how the other half lives, before committing to the segregated Amish lifestyle (or not)...

They call it 'Rumspringa' and it's around age 16.

Or maybe that's the Quakers or the Shakers, someone look it up.

Anyway, the basis for that is letting the kids have a peek at the maelstrom beyond their encapsulation, and decide upon their commitment to the Amish life (or not) based upon knowledge of whatever they have been missing.

Also there is a big difference between a Sect like the Amish and the Muslim trip.  Muslims want to go around converting the rest of the world, as a stated goal. Amish won't let you in (except under very special circumstances) and have no desire to convert you. The Amish also make very nice Sheds and Metal pole-barn structures.

>>>It was nice of you to stick up for Rick though.

Only reason I jumped in. Longtime friend. I try to never engage you.

I think we've all been catfished here folks. 

Slickrock doesn't like me either Timmy.  You're not the only one.

there are only 2 shakers left

who's gonna make all the good furniture now?

Who I like and dislike is so inconsequential (or should be).

No time left. I'm outta here.

Sorry Slick, but I think it's pretty clear that Rick has a problem with Muslims.

Does his son have a non Muslim girlfriend too?  Is that why he pointed out her religion, do differentiate between the two?

 

I think we all need to watch this PSA: https://youtu.be/ZBJXtTIbDTo

You make good points, Hoover.

I really don't have a good reply except to say if she were from an Amish family, a Quaker family, or a family of Christian fundamentalists and the same thing was happening I would have the same feelings of that parent as I do this one.

 

In hindsight it was a mistake to air this here. I was looking for some feedback, not a debate. My error.

Cool Rick.  I would just ask that you don't let your feelings of this parent effect your feelings towards an entire religion. 

 

All the best to you and your son.

Sad bigot feels validated because he meets one person who fits the negative stereotype.

>> Sad bigot feels validated because he meets one person who fits the negative stereotype.

^^^ This!

Go reread your original post and tell us that it's not racist AF...

 

 

Not a bigot, just working through this stuff.  A lot of good zoners here so everybody stop being in a snit.

 

But yes, this:  "Even though he is a citizen I still say people like him shouldn't be here." caused me pause. What they are doing is awful.  But considering all the terrible other examples of this one can find currently and in recent history -- people who take extreme reactions to their child's same sex dating, parents who freaked out about interracial dating, parents who have religious beliefs regarding the role of women that lead them to limit their child's opportunities and freedoms....I guess we all wish none of these people acted like this but I doubt we'd say that other citizens shouldn't "be here".  Unless we mean like on this earth.  Of we mean to take them out.

 

That said, dude says he is processing this now and in real time.  He seems able to handle criticism better than his friends can, probably a sign a guy is doing best he can to deal with the fucked up shit, so cut him some slack.

 

I'll say that one thing that bugs me here is the  whole "I saw you criticize someone else so I will declare you bad and go off in a huff"".  Half the time the people actually involved work it out.  It doesn't make the speaker look any better than someone's biddy old buttinsky victorian aunt (check me with the sexist terms). Backing your friends up without resorting to high dudgeon is a skill.  I say this with love because we've all been there on occasion.  And I like all the people who participated in this thread so I want a big ol' Kum Ba Ya.

 

 

How do we feel about granola or atheist parents who  keep their kids in crunchy schools where they don't get to read the classics and aren't allowed to visit their friend--or even be friends with a person-- because that family goes to church (this is actually a thing)?  I have quite a few friends who would be very opposed to their kids spending time with churchgoers.  

 

 

"tolerant" hippies or "progressives" are some of the most judgemental people i have encountered. they almost eclipse the thumpers.

That's an interesting judgment you made there, Hillman.

>How do we feel about granola or atheist parents who  keep their kids in crunchy schools where they don't get to read the classics and aren't allowed to visit their friend--or even be friends with a person-- because that family goes to church (this is actually a thing)?  I have quite a few friends who would be very opposed to their kids spending time with churchgoers.  

 

Have you watched Captain Fantastic? It's  a mediocre  flick  that came out this year that sort of covered that. Funny moment on the bus when the police officer asked the hippie atheist home schooled kids why they weren't in school.. and the kids all started singing Jesus songs. Cop left them alone. 

 

>>>But considering all the terrible other examples of this one can find currently and in recent history -- people who take extreme reactions to their child's same sex dating, parents who freaked out about interracial dating, parents who have religious beliefs regarding the role of women that lead them to limit their child's opportunities and freedoms.

 

This times ten million. 

I've only judged  zoner fashion choices such as tucked in Furthur concert t shirts.

you have 2 glaring examples on this thread alone. i'm not saying every single self-proclaimed "tolerant whatever" is that way, i peruse many statements on this site and it's pretty out in the open. don't have to dig for anything.

for instance, never saw anything like that from aiq, you, and many others.

Sorry to hear about your son Rick.  I skipped over everything else in the thread so sorry if my post doesnt fit. Just wanted to write that  So many poems, songs paintings have been created about the struggles of young forbidden love. Maybe remind him of that if he is hurting. He isnt alone. Best

>>>She has been beaten daily.

>>If harm comes to this girl I will make it my mission to see justice served.

We may have a differing opinion of harm.  

 

>>>How do we feel about granola 

I like mine with yogurt and berries.    

 

Best of luck Rick and keep us posted.   I look forward to the housing the girlfriend and marriage sequels. 

 

Orthodox Jewish guy who worked for me years ago married a shiksa and his family disowned him. It happens along all ideological/religious/political lines. The Muslims don't have a corner on the market.

The British King Edward married a commoner divorcee and was forced to abdicate the throne and move out of the country.

>> I have quite a few friends who would be very opposed to their kids spending time with churchgoers.  

*chuckles*

I enjoyed Captain Fantastic.

 

Another flick in that same vein is the documentary about the First Family of Surfing,  the Paskowitzes.  It's called Surfwise and Doc Paskowitz was much more extreme than Captain Fantastic.  It's both inspiring and terrifying at the same time

^^^^^I have quite a few friends who would be very opposed to their kids spending time with churchgoers.  

Yeah wouldn't want the kids catching the Jeebus bug. Your friends sound pretty fucking stupid

>First Family of Surfing,  the Paskowitzes<

they are from my town/area. i recently saw it too. 

the oldest brother just played in his band for a local benefit. Johnny Monster and the Nightmares. He's a great/natural front man.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=limOjuCZiCs

This big-hearted but soft-headed folly (in which the general public had no say) involved several catastrophically misguided assumptions: that people born and bred under deeply corrupt political systems would, upon finding themselves in a staggeringly generous welfare state, seek out jobs, work hard, and contribute to the economy rather than set about fleecing the government; that people whose native cultures were characterized by sexual repression, sexual inequality, and sexual violence could quickly and easily assimilate into one of the planet’s most peaceable, equitable, and sexually liberated societies; and, above all, that devout believers in Islam who had never in their lives questioned the doctrine of jihad, the wickedness of Jews, the subordinate status of infidels, and the justness of punishing apostasy and homosexuality with death (and who, if literate, might never have read any book other than the Koran) could become proud, law-abiding citizens of a diverse and sophisticated secular democracy.

--------------------------------

The same can’t be said, however, about Dutch Turks and Arabs, above all Moroccans, who formed — and, for the most part, continue to live in — claustrophobic sharia enclaves marked by high unemployment; low levels of integration: such formerly exotic phenomena as female genital mutilation, forced cousin marriages, and “honor killings”; and a profound contempt for infidel society, upon which its young male residents have inflicted growing levels of brutal crime. (A 2011 government report found that 40 percent of Dutch Moroccans between ages twelve and 24 had been arrested, fined, charged, or accused of a crime in the previous five years — a striking statistic, given the reluctance of many victims to report crimes and of many police officers to take aggressive action in Muslim communities.) As elsewhere in Europe, secular Muslims, Ahmadi Muslims, ex-Muslims, and others who left the Islamic world precisely because they wished to escape sharia and live in freedom have found that their own rights are of less interest to authorities than the demands of patriarchal religious and community leaders.

Read more at: http://www.nationalreview.com/article/445717/dutch-elections-muslim-immi...

Expecting people who have absolutely nothing in common with your culture to suddenly adopt to it is folly and has predictable consequences.

thom, please stop this behavior.

feel free to post your own thoughts or opinions, but nobody here is reading any of this tripe you copy and paste.

 

thanks,

everyone.

Rick, perhaps if you took back what you said about they shouldn't be here(that does sound racist) and say if they are here they have to abide by our laws, as in its not legal to beat or kill your daughter over who they want her to date, just like everyone else here has to live by the same laws, her being 18 i think changes a few things at least in this country. If you really thought she was being beaten daily you should have called the police and reported it, just a knock on the door might change the dads approach and they probably would have sent a female officer.

Sorry to hear about this escalating and i feel bad for her and your son. Maybe just have him give her some space and the Dad might back off some.

I have an idea, how would your son feel about converting to Islam?

I didn't mean to sound racist so I apologize if I offended anyone. As I've said here many times I believe there is but one race on this planet - the human race.

I was/am pretty upset about what's going on with a young woman who had basically become part of our extended family and did a poor job of relaying that, apparently.

I can't get my son to participate in any organized religion so I'd say him becoming Muslim isn't going to happen.

Things have chilled the last two days. Even so, my son tells me she plans on moving forward on exiting her family. But only her family...she fully intends to remain in her faith.

some people here thrive on finding fault with your words when you're experiencing something personal that has you tied up in knots, it's just a joke to them. muslim isn't a race anyway, so those calling you a racist need to get a fucking clue.

Does the father look like a bad guy in Homeland? 

I'm glad to hear the father stopped doing BENGHAZI!!!! on her.