"All BlueLight Mini-Movies Here" Thread

Well, it looks like a certain someone is not going to acquiesce and post all his mini movies here...  The guy is such a rebel.

It's like politely requesting my favorite goldfish not to pee on himself. I'm being nice, but I know before I ask that it's a waste of time.

Oh well, it was worth a try. Zoners can be very contrary. One moment they are all party-party, the next they steal all the lighters and jump into an Uber.

But I don't want to waste a good graphic... so I guess I'll do the next best thing and post an instructional video:

"How To Make Your Own Mini-Movie."

Now I don't have the latest high tech wizbang gear, so I guess I'll have to do it like a PowerPoint.

How To Make Your Own Mini-Movie. - Step One:

Scour the Internet for the most obscure black & white public-domain concert footage never before witnessed by humans.

It helps if it's footage of a favorite Boomer band, because we are eventually going to re-upload it to YouTube and young people don't use YouTube anymore.

How To Make Your Own Mini-Movie. - Step  Two:

Getting Permission. This is the hard part. This job can only be entrusted to a real MOVIE PRODUCER, so put on a suit. grab that little snapping wooden thing and dial up the owner of the footage that you just downloaded onto your phone.

Better yet, slip on your favorite tee shirt and strut around in front of a mirror for a bit. Keep repeating "I am a movie producer. I am a movie producer. I am a movie producer."

You are going to need your courage. This is the call that could make or break your project.

"Hello, Hello, Can I speak to John, please?"

"John is dead."

"Oh, I thought Paul is dead."

"No Paul is playing with the Dead."

"Can I speak to George, then?"

"No. George is on a higher spiritual plane and he can't be bothered by the likes of you."

"Well, can I speak to Ringo, please?"

"Cherio, ol chap, what can I do fer you? Speak up lad, I’m quite deaf by now, ya know."

"Listen, don’t hang up, I know a way you can make tons of money…You just have to let me use some public domain concert footage and pair it with some music I pirated off the Trader’s Den and ran thru a secret digital algorithm I got from an alien at Starbiucks and promise not to sue me for copyright infringement or send the police like Susan from YouTube threatened and no plastic, no ads, AND no shipping…. All ya gotta do is get Zoners to click on my links!"

"I'll be chutney on your muffin. Did you say, NO shipping?"

"Yes, and Warren loves me! Weir loves me! 3.5 million people at Adelphi University love me! All ya need is love!"

"We’re in love? Who is this? Is that you Warren? This conversation is giving me the collywobbles. I’m hanging up now. If you promise never to call again, you have my full permission to use the public domain footage."

Congratulations! You are now a real MOVIE PRODUCER. Just like a bigshot Hollywood mogul. Now you can jerk off anywhere in front of just about anybody at anytime!

Speaking of time, it's time to make some more deals with the guys at the Internet Archive so you can get permission to download some public domain audio.

<<<What’s your excuse, Alan, for your behavior?>>>

Jesus...If I had a nickle every time I got asked that. What are you, the Mother Hubbard of the black screen? (I might be thinking of the Old Lady in the Shoe, I'm not sure). Well Bri, it's mainly because I'm immature and have a lot of time to kill at the moment. And I grew up reading Mad Magazine and National Lampoon and Zap comics....so I have a somewhat warped sense of humor. And a lot of pictures to share from this neat-o book I got as a kid:

Here's a cool one of Mexican Mother Hubbard feeding her dog a bone... it has a little of that Grateful Dead motif, so I think you will like it.. (I bet you didn't think you would ever see something educational like that here in this thread -- see; it's not all bad stuff.)

Lemme ask you something...When did the aforementioned admit he or she is mentally ill? I guess I missed that. I'm sorry if that's true. But that's a little harsh if that's just hearsay. Didn't you just read that 80% of the Internet is fake personas? So what makes you think the Zoner you are referring to is not a troll-bot leaving click-bait for hippies, in order to pad the Kremlin's coffers? What if you are being played by a higher intelligence who seeds all the dbmds with monetized links? Or worse....by a Millennial who is seeking revenge on hippie parents who repeatedly dragged him to the sweet spot in front of the board at the Oakland Auditorium year after year?  (Did you ever stumble over that kid, sitting there, reading his Harry Potter books in the middle of NYE mayhem? True story.)

That's why I'm not personalizing anything. No name calling here. I'm just tying to teach people how to create their own mini-movie, as some are content to have the Zone over-run by homemade music videos (oooohhh, I get it now, you like the homemade stuff... wink/wink. I'm more a vintage guy due to all the armpit hair.) If that's what the Zone is gonna be....a repository for mini-movies, we all deserve to showcase our cinematic skills.

Lastly, and I'll include Across cause he called me an old man.... when's the last time you started a thread? You guys just read and critique. Easy Peezy. I truly appreciate reading your music-related input -- you both sound like nice, reasonable people (though BrianK comes off as a little bit of a kvetch), but you are not really keeping the momentum going Zoning-wise. I am eager to see what subjects you want to Zone about. I mean, there's like 20 guys and 2 chicks in the entire world reading this nonsense, and most of them are content to be freakin amazed that someone can change the text color.....so your forthcoming threads are eagerly anticipated.

Now back to the subject at hand...

How To Make Your Own Mini-Movie. - Step Three

Learn to ignore the critics. 

It's not easy being a "creative-type" And it certainly doesn't pay well.

Unless of course, you can get Bob Weir to cough up some bucks by convincing him of the artistic merit of your project  extorting him, during a (snort) "production meeting" (sniff sniff).

Pitchin rich guys for money is the main job of a MOVIE PRODUCER (or you could start a Go Fund Me page, instead).

Bob is good target. According to this web site --  https://taddlr.com/celebrity/bob-weir/ --  Bob is worth a cool 30 million!

[Net Worth, Salary, Cars & Houses: As an American singer, songwriter and guitarist, Bob Weir has a net worth of $30 million dollars. He is recognized as one of the founding members of the Grateful Dead. 

This is where you go for the gold...."Bob.....I know a way you can make tons of money…You just have to let me use some public domain concert footage and pair it with some music I pirated off the Trader’s Den and ran thru a secret digital algorithm I got from an alien at Starbiucks and promise not to sue me for copyright infringement or send the police like Susan from YouTube threatened and no plastic, no ads, AND no shipping…. All ya gotta do is get Zoners to click on my links!"

"No shipping? Sold! The Brooklyn Bridge. Here's your money"

Congratulations once more..... with this seed money in hand, your project is off to a strong start!

How To Make Your Own Mini-Movie. - Step Four

Sound

Now that you've got a few bucks and some footage, it's time to work on the audio track.

This is the most complex part of the operation. You are going to need some equipment.... lots of equipment. More equipment than Owsley and Dan Healy combined ever had.

And this is the challenging part --- it all has to fit in your vehicle. All of it. This is where the mini-movie magic happens..... inside your car. Late at night. Under the glow of a blinking dashboard Service-Needed light.

Which reminds me, we are going to have to pause and thank a potential sponsor..... RECATON -- Makers of the official mini-movie car power adapter! You remember these guys -- they used to make head cleaners for VCRs and those little felt covered wooden paddles used to dust off records spinning on a turntable, but you could never really clean them unless you had another little felt covered wooden paddle, cause using that tiny brush was a waste of time...

Your gonna need a lot of these, so stock up at your local Radio Shack.

Once you have all hardware, you're gonna need some software. Now as previously mentioned, the "magic" software used to make miini-movies is not of this earth.

In the words of our favorite RECORD PRODUCER"  Its 222 % better audio then ever been heard ever. Ever !" Which is amazing, because just a few months ago he said,..."The weigh of "one" of my Mini's equals more then 1 years in total wight of all uploaded by the JGB & GD @ 70% better audio-ADD-Free & for free "

I'm not that good at math kids, but that looks to be about 3 times better! I'm thinking the regular mini-movie guy is a sock for Elon Musk.

Let's ask him... he is currently working at DEF Records as a RECORD PRODUCER. Hey are you really Elon Musk?

"Dude I am multi track engineer who is now working for Def Records as a PRODUCER, not a pa lady"

"I was advised by a Google IP security last night to do so and, who tracks everything I do, due to my work with NASA. Not sure you are fully up-to-speed, with I what I have done & who I am working with....It's hard to believe, but I am FULLY licensed & have down load gateway like no other in music and film. Plus I am the all-around- most well versed person in this subject & am paving new ground day by day for that field in geneal.  " I am still "bench marking" all of my software & have just been given upgrades. What I am doing is cutting edge & they are begging for my feedback."

Oh shit -- you ARE Elon Musk! Elon Musk is a Zoner! Probably got interested in the Dead when he started partying.

Like John Meyer.... simple, respectable pop star lying around the pool one day, eats a piece of of paper his dog walker gave him.... while Sirius channel 23 is on..and whammooo --  suddenly he thinks he's Althea on tour praying to the weed god wherever he goes.

(Note to John -- that's not Jerry and that's not weed.)

Anyway, now that we know Mini-movies were invented by Elon Musk, we can all rest easy. Apparently, there is no crazy guy on Long Island living in his car that we have to worry about.

But stay tuned to another installment of "Making Mini-Movies the Easy Way."

Sorry gents, Judit shut me down. 

Even after I used the word "collywobbles" in a sentence! Correctly, mind you. Probably for the first time in Zone history.

Apparently she is afraid of Elon Musk's legal team. And apparently, it's ok that he Zone becomes repository for Bluelight's little money-making scheme, but noooooo it's not SPAM because he's crazy, so he gets a pass. It's way too much to ask that he posts all his links in one thread -- and I asked politely, before being called "Woodstock garbage" by our resident savant.

So the lesson here is: it's better to be a crazy idiot (Blueliight) than just a regular idiot (me).

And I had so much good material left.

No but I'll check it out. Thanks.

Little known fact -- this is really obscure DNB trivia -- our beloved SoundDawg, one of the best small club soundman in the world and one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet, might actually answer to the name Vern. But only ever mention it over a table of steamed crabs. It's a hometown thing.